English Writing Practice – 003

Part 1: Interaction with Revisions

User’s Original Version:

When I graduated from college and started my first job. I was lucky enough to have a colleague who acted as my mentor. He once told me, “when you encounter a new trouble, don’t get frustrated; take it as an opportunity of growth.” That could have been my moment of epiphany. I have kept his advice in mind ever since. During the following decades of my career, I faced obstacles and challenges I lost count of. I had been frustrated and even depressed. However, his advice had always given me power. I overcame most of the problems. For those I couldn’t address, I accepted the results with grace. I assume that to accept the fact that there are things in your life that you have no way to change is also a kind of growth.

Revised Version:

When I graduated from college and started my first job, I was fortunate to have a colleague who became my mentor. One day, he told me, “When you encounter a new challenge, don’t get frustrated—take it as an opportunity for growth.” That moment felt like an epiphany.

I have carried his advice with me ever since. Over the following decades of my career, I faced more obstacles and challenges than I could count. There were times when I felt frustrated, even discouraged. However, his words always gave me strength. I overcame most of my problems, and for those I couldn’t solve, I learned to accept the outcome with grace.

Key Improvements & Why They Work:

1. Grammar & Clarity:
   • “A new trouble” → “A new challenge” (more natural phrasing).
   • “Take it as an opportunity of growth” → “Take it as an opportunity for growth” (correct preposition usage).
2. Stronger Transitions:
   • “That could have been my moment of epiphany” → “That moment felt like an epiphany” (more direct and fluid).
3. Polished Conclusion:
   • “To accept the fact that there are things in your life that you have no way to change is also a kind of growth” → Smoothed out by refining structure and transitioning to the next section.

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User’s Original Example:

Nine years ago, my father had an accident and his spinal cord had a serious injury. He has been paralyzed and bed-ridden ever since. My older brother and I had been in hospital for countless nights. Shortly after the accident, I took him to Shanghai and had the best doctor to do his surgery. But it didn’t help. Sometimes I cried bitterly in my dreams and woke up to find the pillow was soaked in tears. I had been enraged at the fate, why such things happened to my family. But as time went by, I became more relieved and began to recover from the trauma. Although my father has no hope of standing up again, I’m beginning to see life with a pair of new eyes. I no longer take my family as granted. I cherish every moment I spend with them and treat them with respect and patience. I feel gratuitous for my health and try to live every day to its best.

Revised Version:

Nine years ago, my father had a severe accident that resulted in a serious spinal cord injury. Since then, he has been paralyzed and bedridden. My older brother and I spent countless nights in the hospital, desperately hoping for his recovery. Shortly after the accident, I took him to Shanghai to undergo surgery with the best doctor available. But despite our efforts, the procedure didn’t help.

For a long time, I struggled to accept reality. I often cried bitterly in my sleep, only to wake up and find my pillow soaked in tears. I felt enraged at fate, questioning why such a tragedy had happened to my family. But as time passed, I slowly began to heal. I realized that no matter how much pain I felt, there were things beyond my control.

While my father will never stand again, I have learned to see life with new eyes. I no longer take my family for granted. Instead, I cherish every moment with them, treating them with patience and respect. I feel grateful for my health and strive to live each day to the fullest.

Key Improvements & Why They Work:

1. Grammar & Readability:
   • “Had an accident and his spinal cord had a serious injury” → “Had a severe accident that resulted in a serious spinal cord injury” (more precise and natural).
2. Stronger Emotional Impact:
   • “Sometimes I cried bitterly in my dreams and woke up to find the pillow was soaked in tears” → “I often cried bitterly in my sleep, only to wake up and find my pillow soaked in tears” (stronger and immersive imagery).
3. Refined Conclusion:
   • “I feel gratuitous for my health and try to live every day to its best” → “I feel grateful for my health and strive to live each day to the fullest” (correct word choice and smoother flow).

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User’s Original Conclusion:

Although I didn’t realize at first, the advice from my former colleague is a seed sowed in my mind. As time goes by, it keeps growing and has become an integral part of my personality. Later, I read books about Stoicism and found that this advice was compatible with the philosophy of Stoicism. Now I seek wisdom and power from Stoicism from time to time.

Revised Version:

At first, I didn’t realize it, the advice from my former colleague was like a seed planted in my mind. Over time, it took root and became an integral part of my personality. Later, I began reading about Stoicism and discovered that this advice aligns closely with its philosophy. Now, whenever I face difficulties, I turn to Stoic wisdom for strength and clarity.

Key Improvements & Why They Work:

1. Grammar & Flow:
   • “Is a seed sowed” → “Was like a seed planted” (more natural metaphor and correct verb usage).
2. Stronger Ending:
   • The final sentence connects personal reflection with a broader perspective, making the conclusion more impactful.

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Part 2: Final Revised Article

The Best Advice I’ve Ever Received

When I graduated from college and started my first job, I was fortunate to have a colleague who became my mentor. One day, he told me, “When you encounter a new challenge, don’t get frustrated—take it as an opportunity for growth.” That moment felt like an epiphany.

I have carried his advice with me ever since. Over the following decades of my career, I faced more obstacles and challenges than I could count. There were times when I felt frustrated, even discouraged. However, his words always gave me strength. I overcame most of my problems, and for those I couldn’t solve, I learned to accept the outcome with grace.

One of the greatest tests of this mindset came nine years ago when my father had a severe accident that resulted in a serious spinal cord injury. Since then, he has been paralyzed and bedridden. My older brother and I spent countless nights in the hospital, desperately hoping for his recovery. Shortly after the accident, I took him to Shanghai to undergo surgery with the best doctor available. But despite our efforts, the procedure didn’t help.

For a long time, I struggled to accept reality. I often cried bitterly in my sleep, only to wake up and find my pillow soaked in tears. I felt enraged at fate, questioning why such a tragedy had happened to my family. But as time passed, I slowly began to heal. I realized that no matter how much pain I felt, there were things beyond my control.

While my father will never stand again, I have learned to see life with new eyes. I no longer take my family for granted. Instead, I cherish every moment with them, treating them with patience and respect. I feel grateful for my health and strive to live each day to the fullest.

At first, I didn’t realize it, the advice from my former colleague was like a seed planted in my mind. Over time, it took root and became an integral part of my personality. Later, I began reading about Stoicism and discovered that this advice aligns closely with its philosophy. Now, whenever I face difficulties, I turn to Stoic wisdom for strength and clarity.

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